Top 10 Facts About ‘The Will of the People’

Renew supporter Paul Gerken breaks down all the things you didn’t know about the mysterious Will of the People.

1) ‘The Will of the People’ is a first-past-the-post system. You only need the most microscopic of majorities to be the undeniable, permanent, irrevocable ‘Will’ of all peoples. If you’re unsure what your will is, check national media (but not The Guardian, they won’t represent the ‘Will’).

2) ‘The Will of the People’ does not change, ever, which is handy because you only need to check in once, on the big issue of the day, and be done with it forever. This saves on the administrative hassle of several votes.

3) ‘The Will of the People’ is also irritable if asked the same thing twice, because even in light of lots and lots of new information, the Will does not change.

4) ‘The Will of the People’ can be conned, tricked and manipulated to any extent - legal or otherwise - but once asked, its decision is final (see above - the Will does not change.)

5) ‘The Will of the People’ doesn’t like being condescended to. It damn well knows what it wants, it knows what it’s getting itself into, it is an all-knowing, fully aware, infinitely correct omnipotent being. It can accurately see into the future.

6) ‘The Will of the People’ is slightly impatient. Just get on with it, it’s bored already.

7) The Will does not care or consult you if you are a Brit who lives in Europe. If you are a European who lives in the UK, it REALLY doesn't care.

8) ‘The Will of the People’ MAY RIOT OTHERWISE. Rioting will be for an indefinite period.

9) ‘The Will of the People’ continues post-mortem. If you expressed your Will when asked, even if you are now dead, it remains just as important today as it did then.

10) ‘The Will of the People’ conversely doesn’t accept newcomers. If you are now 18 and have a whole life of Will in front of you, you don’t count. Hopefully you might get to express your Will on another important issue, at some point. However, recent experience may mean the Will will not be consulted for its opinion again.

By Paul Gerken

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